Saturday, April 21, 2012

I'm trying to get back on track...

OK, I’m completely off track…I’ve missed nearly a week of posts. This is the third month I had committed to Nablopomo, and the first time I’ve failed to stick with it and post daily. 

Sometimes, though, the mind is just too preoccupied to force onto tracks it doesn’t want to go—or can’t stay on if it tried. 

Last November was the first time I tried Nablopomo, and some of you may remember that my husband and I had just become grandparents of a baby boy born with Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia at that time. 

I blogged faithfully all through the first month of little Clay’s life when he was so seriously ill.  We honestly didn’t know if he’d make it at times. 

He did though, and he grew and thrived for the next few months, although he was not able to transition off the hospital ventilator on to a home vent. 

Just a couple of days short of his fifth month birthday, his momma—our daughter—had just bought him a new play mat.  They spread it out on the hospital floor, in the corner of nursery eight where Clay has spent his entire life.  Clay kicked and smiled and seemed to enjoy his new toy so much.  Surely, we thought, he’s about ready to come home.   

The next day, however, Clay became extremely sick.  An x-ray was ordered, but there was no sign of reherniation, the fear that is ever-present in the minds of those close to CDH babies.  A culture revealed that Clay had a urinary tract infection. 

Still, that didn’t explain why he acted so frantic and like he was in such pain.  Several hours later, a second x-ray revealed that Clay had indeed reherniated.  It looked like his stomach and some of his bowel had migrated back into his chest cavity. 

The shock of the reherniation and the infection nearly got the best of our Clay.  Within a couple of days, our little guy was again paralyzed by drugs, the vent breathing for him, tubes and drips everywhere.

To make a long story short, after more than three weeks, Clay was determined stable enough to withstand another surgery.  Last Tuesday, doctors performed the second hernia repair, which took about four and a half hours.

These past few days, my mind has been everywhere but on my blog.  I have found it very hard to think of anything but our little grandson and the suffering he is enduring. Not only does he hurt physically, but he’s almost six months old now.  He has enough awareness of what’s going on around him to feel dread and fear now.  Knowing that makes this round harder than the first one, I think. 

Naturally, I worry a lot about his momma too.  Her birthday was just a couple of days ago, and I couldn’t help but compare her first experience with motherhood to mine, which was so much simpler.  I never imagined then the path that was ahead for her—for us.

Clay’s beginning to come around some since his surgery, but he has a long road ahead of him to complete recovery.  

Forgive me if I don’t post every single day--sometimes my mind and emotions are just too spent to concentrate. 


  1. i found your site through NaBloPoMo Soup ~ i can't imagine ANYone would expect you to put your blog as a high priority right now. my personal feeling is that family ALWAYS comes first.

    i will keep Clay in my thoughts and prayers, as well as your entire family.


  2. We wil be praying for you and your family as always!